I Have Shit To Say

Valuable Information or Just Crazy Ramblings: You Decide

I haven’t been publishing anything lately, actually nothing this year. I have written a million things. I begin talking about whatever subject I am thinking about at that given moment, and inevitably I stop. I either think its crap, or no one could possibly even care about what the fuck I have to say. 

The thing is, I do have something to say. I have a lot to say. I believe I am here on this planet to make a mark; to influence people in a way no one has before. 

Perhaps I have that bipolar trait where I believe I am more important than I truly am. Or, what if bipolar people truly have a message for the world. Who is anyone to say this isn’t true? 

We are only limited by our personal belief of what we are capable of. There is some debate as to whether Albert Einstein said these famous words… “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” 

This is a powerful statement. However, if we never think outside the box, we are limiting ourselves. We know we are adaptable creatures. There is proof of human beings being capable of seemingly impossible feats, simply because their bodies put them in a position, and they had a need. Good examples are Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Beethoven. So I wonder what would happen if we could tap into areas of our brain whenever we want to. Who says we are not capable? 

I believe we can literally do anything we can imagine. The power of belief is extraordinarily powerful. If human beings can tap into abilities by merely believing they can, imagine the possibilities. We could move mountains as well as heal ourselves and others. We could be smarter, faster, healthier in our bodies as well as our minds. 

Imagine that instead of a person with bipolar disorder being treated as a sick person, they were treated as someone with unique gifts meant to help humankind evolve, or assist in our ascending into a higher vibration of existence along with the planet. 

Just imagine. 

Let’s retrain our brains. Let’s make new habits in the way we think. This is so vital for continued human existence and moving forward in human evolution. There’s a name for using these mind-body maps, and training ourselves to go beyond what science has proven we can do. Neuroplasticity: the  ability of neural networks in the brain to change through growth and reorganization. These changes range from individual neuron pathways making new connections, to systematic adjustments like cortical remapping.

The only ones who can dictate what we are capable of, is us. 

So who says I can’t change the world? Not me. I believe I can and am working on it right now. Do you want to come with me on this ride? I sure hope so, because our world is changing drastically, right in front of us. Old ways of thinking are becoming obsolete. 

So where do we start? 

Meditation? Religion? Politics? Tai Chi? Yoga? 

I believe we need to link the body with the mind. The world continues to attempt to separate the body, mind, and soul. These things need to be linked. It’s vital. Find your connection to your ancestors, the planet, yourself, and the universe. However you need to do that, do it. 

Also, be mindful of what you ingest, the people you spend time with, the things which you find important.

Also, work your brain in different ways using neuroplasticity. Write with your less predominant hand, walk beginning with your less prominent foot, stand up straighter, learn about a new religion. 

Just learn. Think outside the box.

Think big. 

We will talk more about this. 

I’m back. 

The Spiral

I have recently had what some might call, a spiritual awakening. A series of strange occurrences took place which left me with more questions. Questions like, why me, why now, why this?

I asked someone who I admire and look up to, and they said, “why not you?”.

It’s obvious by looking at our world’s history that the way we have been looking at mental illness and addiction isn’t working. We have proof of that.

The “war on drugs” isn’t working, that’s  obvious because we are more addicted. There are more people suffering, more  families torn apart, more incarceration, more overdose and death since we imposed the war on drugs.

Mental illness goes along with the drug problem because the two often go hand in hand. Now we have also imposed the logic of the war on drugs into our relationships and daily lives and as a result, we are becoming more and more disconnected.

I heard recently that the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, the opposite of addiction is connection. Humans are social by nature, and when we don’t have healthy connections to each other, we form bonds with other things and sometimes those things aren’t healthy attachments. This form of connecting doesn’t stop at drug use; there are other forms like pornography, television, cellphones, along with various obsessive-compulsive behaviors people seem to get addicted to i.e. gambling, exercising, or cleaning.

I saw a Ted Talk recently about this exact issue. Johann Hari explains quite elegantly, that everything we think we know about addiction is wrong. He talks about the addicts in his life that he loves, and about how although it’s difficult, that he told them he wanted to deepen the connection with them. He told them he loves them whether they are using or not and if they needed him, he would sit with them so they aren’t alone.


I first saw that Ted Talk in December 2019 with Jason and I knew it was something special. I believe that not only is everything we think we know about addiction wrong, but some of what we think we know about mental illness is wrong as well.

There has been so much progress in mental health over the past 50 years and we are definitely doing better; I’m not discounting all of that hard work and discovery. However, I can’t help but be bothered by a few important things.

When I was a little girl, mental illness showed itself for the first time in me through obsessive compulsive behavior. I washed my hands… ALOT. My mom freaked out. She has a degree in psychology, plus we have severe mental illness in our family genetics, so her first thought was, something is wrong with my baby.

My mom took me to see a psychiatrist who said it was no big deal. He said to buy me soap for sensitive skin and hand lotion and to tell me if I was going to wash my hands like that, then to use the special soap and lotion, and eventually I would stop, which I did. Seemed like solid advice to me…

I started thinking about the times we are in now and how although we are more aware of mental health issues, I’m concerned with the type of care people are receiving, and if it’s the best course of action to get the best possible outcome.

Sometimes, there is an actual imbalance in the brain, and medications are in fact needed. It has also been studied that trauma may in fact also lead to a change in our brain chemistry. The thing that frustrates me is that although sometimes medication is needed, its leaned on as a cure, when medication only suppresses symptoms. As of now, there is no cure for mental illness. We are left with symptoms we still have little understanding of.

I have been plagued with various mental illness symptoms varying in severity throughout my entire life.

Nothing really works. When it does work, it’s always short-lived. This brings me to think again, about human connections; and the fact that we are a more disconnected society than we have ever been, while problems with mental illness as well as addiction is on the rise.

I don’t think this is a coincidence.

Since I was given several mental health diagnosis, I have been looked at as crazy, over-emotional, spontaneous, anxious, the list goes on and on. What I need people to understand, is that when I began focusing on connecting with people on a soul level, many of my symptoms faded, some disappeared, and others became more manageable. I began to see my so-called problems and issues as a gift I have been given and began focusing my attention less on suppressing my symptoms, and more on how to tune in and listen. The results have been magical. I have been better equipped at facing whatever is making me feel uncomfortable, and finding ways to let it work for me, not against me.

I think a lot of this is well known to an extent, just not much is being done to improve our current system. With the expanding need for mental health and addiction services, people are often all put into the same categories, misdiagnosed, and given medication. When these approaches don’t work, the patient goes off of their meds, sometimes has psychotic episodes, hospitalized, stabilized, then they are expected to go right back into the system that failed them. That scenario is also a very mild one compared to how much pain and turmoil some mental breaks can cause so many people involved, not just the person in distress, but their loved ones, coworkers, medical professionals, police officers, teachers, etc.

I think it’s past time to try new approaches to these problems and see if something else works. I have a few ideas I plan to talk about in the future. Until then I just want people to start thinking about how our approach so far doesn’t work. I want people to think about what it is that makes them feel good, important, more alive. I think we need to start embracing that there are many different types of humans, each with unique gifts. Possibly, instead of suppressing what we obviously just don’t understand, why not try embracing these gifts, and focus more on social interaction, coping, and healing.

Just a thought…